I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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