I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
