I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
