so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
