Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
