There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
