I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
