Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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