I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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