You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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