nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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