toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
