Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
