is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
