Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
