I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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