I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
