What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Michael Bay diarrhea
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
