haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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