Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
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I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
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He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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