Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize