he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
