Its about making memories worth repressing
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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