At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
