is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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