when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
So much rum. So many feels.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
