hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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