At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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