I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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