making cat noises will not fix the situation.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Randomize
