First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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