is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
