she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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