If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
