i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
this boner is exhausting
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
