I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
