he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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