This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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