you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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