so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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