We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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