Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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