Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
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My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
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Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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