..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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