He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
