Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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