used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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