true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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