A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
