JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
