I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
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