Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
