She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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