Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize