The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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