Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
