THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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