Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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