You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Hippo gnu deer
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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