Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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