Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
