you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
