I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
