Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
