the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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