who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
