1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
