You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
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