he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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