This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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