I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Dignity is for republicans.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
