I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
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Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Floor bacon is actually really good
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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