and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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