The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
how do flat chested girls get laid?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
