I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He's a Shit stain on my heart
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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