drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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