I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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