"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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