not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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