Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
