Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
