: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
