I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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