I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
